April 20, 2011

Thoughts On Balance

I've been thinking a lot about balance lately. It started because I have been unsuccessfully trying to resurrect my yoga practice for months now. While marinating on why, I realized I am having difficultly reconciling time for "my" things (writing, yoga...brushing my teeth) with my Beckett time, my time with H and my time for household things.

I am very lucky. I have a total 50/50 partner in H and I work from the house, although on a 9 to 5 type of schedule, not at my leisure. I'm very good at compartmentalizing that time in my day. When I'm working, I'm working. I may occasionally pop into the other room to see Beckett performing his latest developmental feat or just kiss his blond head, but for the most part I stay in my office with the door shut. This is not my time, someone is paying me to do a job.

Without really meaning to I have put "my" things on lowest priority. If Beckett is throwing a fit before bed and I know only nursing will calm him, but I haven't washed my face yet, I skip it. If he's had a late nap and just won't go down for the evening. I play with him, no matter what else I had planned. I'm cool with that. It's what mom's do.

But where is the line? What can I forgo to write a blog or fit in a yoga class? The dishes? Grocery shopping? Sleep? And is it selfish to even want to have more me time, when I have an amazing life already? I always feel like it implies that H needs to pick up the slack and that makes me feel guilty.

I'm not the super-mom type. I mean really, I am in awe of those women who have three kids, a career that involves client meetings, business suits and STILL make it to the gym four times a week. I'm assuming there is a lot of take out involved, perhaps hired help. I'm okay with not being that personality type. I just have to figure out exactly what type I am now that my priorities have shifted.

I do know being Beckett's mom is at the top of the list, right up there with being H's best friend and partner. But then what? And where do I fit it in? Is (almost) 32 super late to be contemplating all this?

Did I mention the yoga studio is across the street? And yet I haven't even made it through the door.

3 comments:

Tamara said...

I liked this statement: "I just have to figure out exactly what type I am now that my priorities have shifted."

I think too many moms compare themselves to each other. I think they have a concept of what a "super mom" looks like, which isn't always realistic. However, each child and every parent is unique. I am glad you realize H,B, and you are a unique family unit.

Wendy Altschuler said...

Oh man, this post brings me back. It's so hard going from only really having to take care of yourself and your needs to having your needs be at the very bottom of the totem pole. I've found, after three kids, that you HAVE to make time for yourself. I'm a better, more energized mom to my kids if I'm able to carve out some me time at least 2 X a week for a few hours. I get my yoga/running/writing in and in turn I'm more present for my babes and husband. You're doing a great job and I know you'll figure out the balance of things. :)

samiathena said...

Sorry for the late comment. I'm myself and finding interesting times to do what I want to do, like catch up on blogs:)
Wes and I have been trying for our 3rd child for a while now and everyone is asking me how I'm going to do it all. The truth is, I have no clue. BUT, I've managed to handle two children, my own business, Wesleys extra activities, Wyatt's sports..yada yada yada...What's one more kid to throw in the mix?? I've really discovered that those "supermoms" who do it all by themselves don't really exist. They delegate and organize. I am working hard to achieve those skills because my sanity depends on them now and that's ok. I know that plugging my faith time and family time into my schedule first allows for everything else to fall where they can and I no longer feel guilty or feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions. And I actually get to shower on a regular basis now:)